Marriage is a significant commitment. But even the strongest couples can face difficulties.

While it can be possible to come out of these tough times together and stronger than ever, not all relationships can, or should, be saved. Knowing when to continue working on a marriage and when it’s healthier to walk away is a deeply personal decision.

If you’re at a crossroads in your relationship, this guide will help you to explore when to seek help and when separation or divorce might be the better path.

Understanding the signs

The first step in deciding whether a marriage can be saved is understanding when it’s in trouble. Some common indicators of a troubled relationship include:

Decreased communication

Couples who once spent time talking and sharing their thoughts may find they have nothing to say to each other or avoid conversations entirely.

Emotional distance

When partners feel more like roommates than lovers, the bond may be eroding.

Frequent arguments

Bickering and arguments over minor issues can also point to deeper dissatisfaction or unresolved grievances.

Infidelity

Infidelity is a more serious sign. While not always the end of a marriage – it’s no longer a stipulation to include this as a reason for seeking a divorce – it typically points to significant underlying problems. If both parties are willing to address the root causes of cheating, a relationship can sometimes be repaired, but this requires transparency, remorse, and effort from both partners.

When it’s time to seek help

If you’ve identified some of the signs mentioned above, it might be time to seek professional help.

Many couples benefit from therapy, where a neutral third party helps you navigate difficult conversations. Couples therapy allows each partner to share their feelings in a safe environment, which can help rebuild trust and improve communication. This can be something to pursue whether you’re arguing a lot or trying to rebuild trust after an affair.

For some, individual therapy may also be valuable. Personal issues such as unresolved childhood trauma or anxiety can manifest in your relationship, and addressing these through therapy can improve your relationship with your partner.

Marriage workshops or retreats can also offer intensive help by focusing on conflict resolution, communication skills, and reconnection. They provide tools and strategies that partners can apply in their day-to-day conversations.

The role of commitment and effort

However, therapy and workshops require ongoing effort and a willingness from both partners to adapt and grow. For any marriage to be saved, a mutual commitment and effort are essential.

Both partners must be willing to confront their issues, communicate openly, and make compromises. Commitment means not just sticking together, but actively working on the relationship even when things get tough. Small actions, like spending time together, showing appreciation, and being willing to listen, can build reconnection.

The limitations of marriage counselling

While marriage counselling can be effective, it has its limitations. In cases of unresolved trauma, untreated substance abuse, or when one partner refuses to change or acknowledge problems, therapy may only serve as a temporary fix.

If one partner continually sabotages the process or refuses to put in the necessary effort, no amount of counselling will be enough to save the marriage.

It’s also important to recognise that some people change over time, and their goals or personalities may no longer align. In this case, forcing your relationship to work can lead to resentment and emotional harm for you and your partner.

When to separate or divorce

In some cases, separation or divorce may be the healthiest choice for both parties. In this case, seeking the help of skilled divorce solicitors can be the most appropriate step for you and your partner.

Separation is definitely the healthiest choice in cases of ongoing abuse, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, where one partner’s safety is at risk. No one should stay in a marriage where abuse is present.

Irreconcilable differences can also make divorce the best option. If core values, goals, or lifestyles are too far apart and compromise isn’t possible, the relationship may no longer be sustainable.

Ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave your marriage depends on your circumstances and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Whether you choose to work on your relationship or pursue separation, what matters most is the wellbeing and happiness of both you and your partner.